Welcome to the Academy
by Obsidian.Nymph
Summary: All over Middle-Earth, now that the battle with Sauron is over, a new evil emerges. To deal with them, all of the beloved characters are to attend The Academy. What will they learn there and who is this new foe that poses such a threat to them?
1. Prologue

**A/N:** Hi people! This is my first LotR fic so I hope I've done well. I'm not sure how long it's going to be but I promise to make the chapters longer once the story carries on. Think of this chapter as a prologue.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to Mister Tolkein. Clearly they belong to him. *Smacks forehead* Even if he is dead.

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Prologue

The location of the private study of King Elessar is not known to many people, a sanctuary for him when he needs a place of quiet. So this is where he usually opens any letters in the morning after the morning council meeting. Queen Undomiel is sitting in sedately in a plush seat, reading letters from various Ladies of the court requesting her to attend to some matter of theirs or to arrange a marriage between her brothers and their daughters. Smiling at the last letter, a report from Lord Glorfindel on some mischief her brothers did in Imladris to try and cheer her father up. Lounging in a beautifully carved chair, his limbs sprawling in all directions, he reads letters sent to him from dignitaries of the many states of Gondor, correspondences from his brother-in-laws in Rivendell and his friends from his journeys with the Fellowship. This is the usual mail he receives, and he sorts through them in order of urgency.

But today, his attention is drawn to a letter in red paper. He looks up and notices Arwen has the same letter, also on red paper. Coloured paper is very rare, not something to be used lightly because of the scarcity of it. So he opens it up and slowly reads the content. Then once he finishes it, he reads it again and then finally drops it. It flutters to the floor gently but with the silence in the room, it is like he dropped a pin.

* * *

In Eryn Lasgalen, Prince Legolas was in his bedchambers reading a letter that had arrived by a mysterious messenger. The red parchment it was written on only served to enhance the mystery of it and he settled in the privacy of his room to read it, hoping it was not another love poem from some Eru-forsaken woman or elleth.

He reads it and then rushes out of the room to see if his friend Gimli, who is staying in his realm before they set off on another adventure, has received a copy of it. He bursts into the room just in time to run into his dwarf friend who was setting off to find him. They look at each other for a long minute, silent.

* * *

In Dol Amroth, Prince Faramir and his wife Lady Éowyn were having some breakfast while reading their letters. Both of them cut short their meal when they saw two identical letters in the pile for them. Tentatively reaching for them, they gave each other wondering looks before reading them. Then they swapped them over to check their significant other got the same thing.

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All over Middle Earth, anyone who was a part of the tale of The Lord of the Rings, whether in the books or the movies, is receiving a red letter. Kings, Lords and Ladies all sit around their breakfast table or in their studies or bedchambers and read this letter. Silence reigns for a few minutes.

Then all around Arda, you hear the sound of laughter ringing.

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Mysterious, do you not think so? Well can you find out what happens next quicker by reviewing. That makes me update faster. Just a hint. XD

Lotsa love,

O.N


	2. The Messengers Arrive

**A/N:** Sorry for the slowness, but anyways here is the chapter. Hope you enjoy. XD

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Chapter Two

"Elladan? Elrohir? What is the meaning of this? Have you been playing pranks on people again? Because if I find out you have, I'll be sure to inform Arwen of what her brothers are doing..." threatened King Elessar. The King aka Strider, Aragorn II, Chieftain of the Dúnadan, etc, was attempting to make the brothers confess. He had laughed earlier but after reading it, it didn't seem like the normal type of prank the brothers played on him. Strange.

Unfortunately for him, the brothers were showing no sign of cracking under the threats and were, for once in their lives, innocent of committing a prank. However King Elessar wouldn't believe them when they told him they had also received the same letter. Once again situated in the same study as this morning, he observed the new lords of Rivendell from behind an elaborately carved desk, his face masked by shadows. Smoke from the fireplace mixed with the smoke from his pipe, on one of the rare occasions when he partook in the activity. It was not a fashionable habit in Minas Tirith and Queen Undómiel didn't approve. But when situations like this arose, he needed all the stress relief he could get.

After glaring at the twins for a minute longer, he relented in his interrogation and sighed. If it wasn't the twins behind this then who else could it be? Lifting a hand from his knee he started to massage his temples before a knock on the door made him freeze. Then after a second silence, another tentative knock.

"Enter." He said, barely looking at the new arrival choosing to instead focus on the way the air in the room shimmered, blending with smoke. A cough from Elladan snapped him out of his reverie and he straightened himself up into a posture befitting a monarch before gazing imperiously at the visitor.

It was a messenger and as he coughed again to clear his throat before starting on his message, another knock was heard coming from the door. Aragorn's left eye twitched for a second before he schooled his face into a calm expression.

"Enter," he said, "however before you enter, make sure that any other messengers that arrive also come in with you." And more to himself than anyone else, he muttered "And I'll wager Arod that there will be more."

Elladan and Elrohir with their elven hearing picked up this quiet remark and grinned at each other. They both knew Aragorn valued his horse highly, a gift from the Rohirrim and his companion in many difficult situations. It was the perfect bargaining chip if they did manage to get their hands on him. But, Aragorn's suspicions were true and instead of just one messenger, a group of seven marched in with more trailing behind.

After forming a queue of sorts, the first to arrive and the leader of the line spoke up.

"King Elessar, Prince Faramir, Steward of Gondor would request a meeting with you to discuss the meanings behind a strange letter received to both him and his wife the Lady Éowyn. I have been told to report back as soon as possible with the reply."

Aragorn nodded and motioned for him to step aside and the next messenger to come forth. The same message was repeated by each one, a motley group of haggard men and the random elf. Lord Elrond had sent Elladan and Elrohir and Lady Galadriel had sent a now exhausted Haldir as her messenger. Apparently he was being punished for an incident that week in Lothlórien, involving a certain Elleth, himself and another guard. Suffice to say, Galadriel was not pleased with the elf and had him running himself ragged, performing little tasks like relaying messages for gossiping elleth and polishing all the armour even though they had already been polished.

Aragorn was swamped with the number of messengers and by the time he had heard the final one, he had managed to deduce that all the people of the fellowship and anyone who had been in contact with them had been targeted as receivers of 'The Letter'.

* * *

Queen Undómiel walked in shortly after to inquire about her husband's absence from supper. She was met by the sight of three of the closest men to her all lying on various seats, two with disgusted expressions on their faces while another one was clearly high from the amount of rare and incredibly pungent Longbottom Leaf smoke that was permeating the air in the room. Her brothers jumped up at the sight of her and rushed forward to embrace her while rambling on without thought.

"Arwen, I've missed you little sister! Your husband smokes like a dwarf and he's starting to smell like one too. Don't Kings get the priority of bathing rooms because I'm certain he hasn't been near one since his coronation! My head is hurting..." Elladan whined in a nasally tone, his normally perfect voice sounding like he was suffering from a cold. Which elves can't contract, because they're elves.

Elrohir mainly just hugged her while coughing and mumbling something which sounded suspiciously like "Air, sweet air... *splutter* kings are mad...Estel, Thranduil, Ada is sane...he's a loooorddd..." He sang the last note ending it on a spectacular coughing fit. Arwen concluded that her brothers had been driven mad by the overwhelming presence of Longbottom Leaf and her husband. It was worrying to say the least because it was usually her brothers that inflicted some sort of damage on her beloved. Well, she'd get to the bottom of this.

"Aragorn, my love? What is the meaning of this?"She managed to say before coughing discreetly. Queens do not cough like a man, especially an Elven queen. She squinted into the smoke to see her husband totter up to her before placing a big kiss on her lips and saluting her with a pipe in his hand.

"My love, my Undómiel, we shall have guest as of tomorrow. The Fellowship and anyone who has links with them will be coming for a meeting. With me," and after thinking for a second, he grinned and patted her on the head in an undignified manner before saying "And you."

Arwen was shocked. What had happened to her husband? This couldn't be Longbottom leaf, she knew the effects of that and this was too much. They acted like they were drunk. Sucking in a breath she stormed into the room and searched for his barrel of leaf. She located it in the corner of his desk, a small cask with an empty pouch lying next to it. She sniffed the pouch before running out into the corridor and gasping for air. She had managed to keep hold of the pouch during her escape and she peered down into the corner to read the miniscule writing.

"Tookbuck Leaf, a special concoction for our special friend. This is potent stuff, so use in small amounts. Our best wishes Strider, Merry and Pippin."

She glared at the pouch for another second before flinging it back into the room and dashing off after her inebriated husband and less than normal brothers.

She found them in the King's chambers, all in the bed together like when Aragorn was an adopted child in Lord Elrond's household. She smiled at the memory before being brought back by what Aragorn had said to her before he meandered away. Everyone was coming tomorrow.

Everyone.

Oh Eru...

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**A/N: **So what did you think?

I won't spill the secrets of the letter yet but it will be revealed in the meeting in the next chapter.

Found any grammar mistakes?

Like the chapter?

Review and make me happy. : P

Oh and did you like my little invention? Creative License. *smiles*

I had to explain Aragorn's behaviour and normal smoke isn't anywhere near strong enough to do anything but anywho it was certainly good for me.

Lotsa love,

O.N


	3. They Just Came and Went

**A/N: **So I'm extremely sorry for the delay, but life can be hectic and I've got major exams coming up so my brain has been otherwise occupied. However I will try and update sooner next time. Happy? Well then, read onwards...

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Chapter Three

To say it was unusual for King Elessar to wake up encompassed in warmth now that he was an adult would be an understatement; his brain couldn't register the feeling. The only time he did would be with Arwen and whoever he was with right now smelt nothing like her. It wasn't an unpleasant smell, faint and musky but it was something he would normally associate with males. So he naturally shot out of the bed with a cry when he finally figured out he was in bed with another male. And judging by the amount of heat emanating from the room, it was more than one.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he realised he was still wearing the clothes from yesterday and his shock turned to amusement when he saw the twins lying on the mattress with the covers twisted between the both of them. Elladan had his fist close to Elrohir's face and Elrohir was an inch away from falling off the bed and onto the floor.

He shook his head as his memory of yesterday's events returned and grimaced at his behaviour. He made a mental note to send a messenger to the hobbits by the name of Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took before he remembered they would be arriving here today.

They were coming today.

Everyone was coming today.

His eyes widened and he set off at a sprint from the room, passing startled servants and a very distraught Elf named Haldir before bursting into his bedroom. Arwen looked up from the bed and sat in shocked silence at his appearance. After calming himself down he began to speak in incoherent sentences, stopping every now and then for a gasp of air.

"My love, everyone...today...coming for meeting...red letter...organize...food...father-in-law," he managed to say before stumbling to the bed and collapsing into the soft mattress.

Arwen merely smiled and pulled him completely onto the bed so that his head was in her lap and he was curled up like a small child. She stroked his hair while saying softly "It's alright, Estel. I organized everything last night while you were asleep," pausing, she smiled at the thought of her brothers curled up with their adopted brother before continuing, "No worries. They all have rooms and Ada, Grandmother and Grandfather will all stay in our wing. There is enough food for us all and you know Grandmother doesn't hate you. Neither does Ada though it might be wise to be extremely polite around him. We will get through this..."

He nodded sleepily before succumbing completely, snoring gently into her dress. She pushed him off and tucked him in so he wouldn't catch a cold before moving to her chest of drawers and pulling out 'The Letter'. Settling back into the bed, she reread the letter that was causing all the trouble...

***

_Arwen Undomiel,_

_As the war with Sauron is over, you will no doubt be expecting peace. However we at The Academy are here to shatter this dream you may have, as it is not real and just a dream. In the next year, you will be flooded with enemies of a new kind. Mary-Sue's are your worst nightmare and will try and take your loved ones from you and ruin any semblance of peace you ever had for your world._

_They understand no language and choose to twist your minds so you can realize what they say. They only live for "tru wuv" and run on teenage hormones. They are mostly concerned about appearance but some will be different. For you to fully understand this, you and anyone who was in the Fellowship who might be a unwanted lust object, in exactly two days when you are all gathered together will then be taken to The Academy where you will be taught how to defend yourselves against these slavering idiotic creatures. We look forward to meeting you._

_My best wishes,_

_Headmaster of The Academy_

***

Sighing, she placed the letter to the side of the bed and took the second one, which belonged to Aragorn, from the side table. It was nearly identical except his name was there in the place of her name. She frowned, before realising she had to change and wake up Estel so that they could greet their friends and family who would be shortly arriving from all over Middle-Earth.

She shook her husband awake and then called for her maid. Changing into a beautiful formal dress of elven design, she waited as Aragorn changed himself before emerging from their room together. He offered her his arm and she gracefully accepted, ever the paragon of behaviour and decorum. You wouldn't think, she thought to herself as they walked to the greeting hall where they were to meet the arrivals, that in her youth she was labelled as a troublemaker and had often helped her mischievous brothers in the pranks they played on their babysitter Glorfindel and sometimes Erestor.

But looking at her now she was as boring as the haughty ladies of the Gondorian court who she spent the majority of her time with. A few were kind and similar to her, but most were too proud to even think of doing something that was physically exerting without having some sort of maid do most of the physical work for them.

Maybe this Academy will let her have more freedom. She smiled at that, berating herself mentally. She wasn't confined in any way now but if she did pull any pranks, she would immediately be labelled 'unlady-like' and 'improper' and Aragorn would be mocked for choosing such an unsuitable wife for the role of queen.

By the time she shook the vestiges of the last thought from her head, they had arrived in the Entrance Hall and were surrounded by those they held dear to them. Feeling her arm slip from Aragorn's, she melted into the crowd to find her father and grandmother. There had been a tense atmosphere the last time she had seen them together. Her father still held a grudge against Aragorn for taking his daughter away from him and Galadriel was happy with whatever choice Arwen made, so naturally was annoyed at her son-in-law for making her beloved granddaughters transition into the society of men harder than it should have been.

"Ada! Grandmother! It has been far too long since you last visited us, how have you been?" she murmured, her relatives hearing her perfectly well because of their enhanced hearing. Elrond glowered at Galadriel before enveloping his daughter in a hug.

"Arwen, you are right. It has been too long. How has that foster son of mine been treating you? You look thinner than before...are they feeding you properly here?"

Arwen and Galadriel shook their heads and sighed in unison. Elrond only brought up the fact that Aragorn was his foster son so that it would seem immoral to her that she had married him. But it never worked as Galadriel backed Arwen in this matter and nobody argued with Galadriel. She could beat anyone at mind games. And Arwen knew that her father was just desperate for her to come back home to Rivendell. After all, her brothers were not the best company for a relatively sane person.

But after greeting her grandmother and grandfather, she meandered around until she found Aragorn again. He was standing in a group holding two hobbits by their ears and surrounded by elves and humans alike. She smiled at the companionship between most people here and how even the ones who hadn't met before were getting acquainted. Glorfindel and Erestor were talking to a tired Bilbo and Haldir was hounding a harassed looking Gondorian guard. Tapping Aragorn on his shoulder, she gestured for him to start his speech before having a thought. Her eyes widened and she rushed to the front of the room where the final person to arrive; Samwise Gamgee and his wife Rosie were crossing the threshold and had just entered.

"Noooo...." Arwen shouted as everyone in the hall turned around and stared in confusion at the supposedly sane queen. The ones who could read minds all gasped simultaneously and moved forward to bar the newcomers.

***

_For you to fully understand this, you and anyone who was in the Fellowship who might be a unwanted lust object, in exactly two days when you are all gathered together, all of you will then be taken to The Academy where you will be taught how to defend yourselves against these slavering idiotic creatures. We look forward to meeting you._

***

Suddenly everyone was hurled into the centre of the hall by some unseen force and brought into a close circle. The word went around to those who hadn't realised what was going on by the ones who did and didn't want everyone in a panic. Arwen clutched Aragorn's arm and prayed that everyone was going to be safe. A mighty rumble resonated around the room and then all was dark.

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The tension radiating from those, in what would later be called the "waiting room" was palpable. Nobody was quite sure of where they were and what was actually happening apart from the basics that they had just found out from their friends. Then a gust of wind from an open door somewhere and a flickering light appeared in the distance and weakly illuminated a small person moving fluidly towards them. In the background, the barking and snarling of dogs could be heard.

Haldir unconsciously gripped Lord Celeborn's arm and Galadriel glared at the pair of them. Celeborn shrugged apologetically at his wife before shaking off a terrified Haldir.

"I don't like dogs..."

"You're our great March warden and you are scared of some little beasts? I'm frightened to think of what would happen to our beloved Lothlórien if it was ever beset by a pack of hounds..." snorted Celeborn. Everyone who heard him smiled and their mood lightened slightly. Those who didn't relaxed when they saw the others relaxing slightly.

Well, Elladan and Elrohir had to get their influence from somewhere and Celebrían had her father's sense of humour.

Elrond merely continued to stare at the figure that was steadily approaching. To the elves in the group the person seemed to be a child, only reaching up to their elbows but as it drew nearer they could make out it was female and also a fully grown adult. She was wearing a cape and had pulled the hood down so that it covered her face but the cape also billowed out and revealed some feminine features underneath the clothes she was wearing. Arwen stiffened, wary of this stranger and so did all the other females in the group.

As they stepped protectively towards their significant other, the woman stopped before them and lowered her hood. Black hair tied back in a tight plait and sharp features glared at them; skin the colour of an Easterlings. She was tiny, but something about her made Arwen worry about her safety. Contemplating how much authority this little woman was exuding, she stood silent in thought before being interrupted by a cough.

"Welcome to the Academy."

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**A/N: **Woo. They're finally there. Next chapter I shall introduce you to the teachers and the subjects and you shall get some hints about whom the elusive Headmaster is. (To be honest, it isn't that hard to figure out as long as you have a brain in your head.)

Now, any mistakes in spelling that you have noticed? And I really would like it if anyone would be interested in becoming a teacher at The Academy. Once you message me your details, I shall fit you in and tell you what subject you will teach next chapter.

Just tell me your name, basic description and what you enjoy. Subjects that will be assigned are things like;

1. Sue-recognition

2. Sue Baiting

3. Logic and its uses

4. The Art of weapons

5. The History of Sues

6. Team Skills

7. Defensive Systems

And etc. So if you're interested please tell me in a review or PM me. And if you want me to just put you in anyways, I'll try and see what I can do. I promise to try and update soon but I will be busy so it depends on how much time I have. Either way I hope you enjoyed the chapter and review!

Lotsa love,

O.N


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